I have absorbed to watch the drama titled “the garden of the wind” directed by Mr. So Kuramoto though I have less chance to watch the TV.
Each performer is splendidly expressing a deep human drama in the time that flows quietly with beautiful flowers and plants.
The main cast is an anesthesiology medicine and an advanced-stage pancreas cancer. The actor as his father post is Mr. Ken Ogata who died of liver cancer several weeks after finishing taking this drama.
Mr. Ken Ogata seemed to have kept performing without telling anyone about the cancer but his family.
I have devoted on watching his every move because of his clear mental power.
Tears fall in the scene even if he doesn’t say anything.
The theme of this drama is how he ends his life.
I have been wondering how Mr. Ken Ogata felt in his mind.

(A deep resolution)

We have to face the advanced-stage cancer which is the evil of the death coming slowly to the body and spirit.
We have to select how to die and how to live.
An individual way of thinking and the selection are multifarious.
However, the end of the life is forcibly consolidated by how to live. I feel what a solemn scene it is. I was related to five patients who were advanced cancer terminally these four years and attended their solemn death.
If there was no deep mutual trust with families including the patient, it would never be done.
I visited their houses and hospitals anytime if I had the interval of the clinic. I had faced the patients for months with a deep resolution that cut down my life.
I had the time I only rubbed patient’s hands and feet because the acupuncture was not able to be done.

(The death of M)

M, who had been sentenced as several months to live, extended longevity three years. M passed away without any pain as sleeping at home on the 21st this month.
M had a liver cancer.
I’ve heard that my name was called many times because M wanted to say thank me on the phone even just before the death.
Enough treatment to this patient was not able to be done because M lived away from me. I would like to apologize for that.
However, the face is a really tranquil, tender, beautiful and with a smile when I was in a hurry to come.
I was very impressed by the appearance who overcame the cancer.
One social welfare commissioner said to the family, “I’ve never seen such a face tenderly changed so much though I saw many persons who passed away. This is a satisfied face indeed. Good wasn’t it.” It was very impressive.

(Who is the main?)

I caught the topics titled “Home Hospice” written by Mr. Takashi Sakurai on the newspaper.
Home hospice means that taking care of the patients who are advanced-stage cancer is done at home.
Dr. Sakurai said, “When I worked for the university hospital, I took the death as defeat of the medicine. Doctors try to prolong the life, and they sometimes request the family to leave the room of the hospital. The main was the doctor. However, the patient and family can lead the part at home.” It was a great speech.
82.3% of died person is in a hospital and a clinic according to vital statistics (2006), and at home is 12.2%.
However, the death at home occupied the more than half in around 1970. The death in the hospital and clinic exceeds 70% after 1990.
This result often makes me think.

(Never forget human emotion)

Dr. Shigeaki Hinohara from St. Luke Hospital whom I have respected introduced the result of the questionnaire in Suginami Ward in his book. It was that where you wanted to die.
40% of doctors said that they had no idea until that time came. Three-quarter of 60% doctors answered, “If possible, I want to die at home.”
Moreover, if doctors become advanced-stage cancer, they are asked, “How do you want to be treated? One third of doctors’ answers were to be treated in the minimum extent
Dr. Hinohara said that the doctors should understand what patients are worried, and simultaneously with the partial and objective all the time.
It is important to touch the person who is in troubles as the same human as myself. It is very natural but easy to forget about it now.

(Face can be seen.)

A friend asked her friend who is a doctor, “Is patient’s death a routine work (regular things in a daily life)?” “Yes, It is. I have no emotion at all.” It was an answer.
Of course, if the doctor bewails every time, she can’t work. The doctor should take objective eyes, or otherwise there might be a wrong judge.
I doubt the medical treatment which keeps watching only internal organs automatically.

The person who found my mother’s cancer was the local doctor.
Mother trusted him very much though there was no chance to meet only several days.
After a while mother passed away, I met the doctor by chance on the street.
He said to me, “Hard wasn’t it. I wanted to go to the funeral, but I didn’t know where.” He came to home to offer incense.
I don’t know what he prayed but I’ve never forgot he prayed for a long time.
The most important end is finished as most humanly by the hands and hearts with obedient feelings. I think a person who is finished such like this is very lucky.

I had deceased mother’s dream after a long time the other day.
She wearing the beige suit lectured on acupuncture in a room in the pension surrounded by beautiful trees.
I was pleased that she seemed a really fine, and thought in my mind she was still alive.
Four years have passed on the 26th today since mother died of pancreas carcinoma.
I’ve never had a day I don’t think of mother during 4 years.
I’ve never had a day I don’t thank mother during 4 years.
I have been full of appreciation and respect for the fact that mother fought against cancer.

Mother’s pancreas carcinoma was not found in any hospitals during half a year.
It seemed sincerely to have been good now. When the pancreas carcinoma (especially, tail of pancreas cancer) is found, there are a lot of cases which are too late. If it was discovered before half a year, mother had to be in bed. However, she could go on a trip and see grandmother and sisters living in Fukushima.

(The expression I cannot say all my life)

It was only a month which mother had been in hospital. There was such a conversation when in hospital.
“Cancer was really painful.” Mother said to the doctor. The doctor answered, “I understand well.” “Are you sure? I don’t think you can understand because you are not cancer, but don’t be cancer,” said mother.
Even if I can say to the patient, “Oh yes” and “I know you have difficult times”, but I cannot say “I understand well.” I might be able to say this sentence through my life.

(Pain which cannot be breathed in)

The place in Sichuan in China where mother wanted to go once two years ago is “Kyukan-Ko” which is World Heritage and the mountain of the altitude 3500m. I went to climb that mountain.
I could never forget such a beautiful and clear surface of the water splendid emerald green.
However, I couldn’t keep stepping ahead because I became suffocating soon. Although there were a lot of people using the oxygen cylinder, I climbed without it.
The reason why I choose this mountain is to have experience of the pain which cannot be breathed in. I climbed up the mountain while taking a rest. The pain was much more than I imagined.
Mother’s cancer had metastasized to lungs; she faced the severe difficulty breathing several times.
To think of mother’s suffering makes me painful when the amount of oxygen decreases rapidly.

(The expression I don’t regret)

The pancreatic carcinoma had pressed the bile duct, so mother was not able to take meal. She vomited because of the overflow of bile.
I asked the doctor, “How about having only the soup of the noodle?” The doctor answered severely, “If she feels delicious, the bile overflows …”
However, mother said to us who took care of her in the hospital, “Take meal everytime.”
One day mother asked me, “What do you think if a person cannot eat anything for a month?”
I was too painful in such a question. “It’s OK! Only one month.” I said half in joke.
“It’s cruel. Painful!” I couldn’t say anything to the answer of mother.
I offer a full of white rice in front of mother’s photograph.
How do you talk to the person in distress?
This is the big problem of work, and facing in daily life.
I don’t think we need technique how to talk to the patient.
I would like to grow up a person who can say the expression not regretted owing to mother.

(Happy departure)

I feel I became qualified to be allowed the medical treatment because I had a big fight with the cancer got over with mother.
I felt that the fight with the sickness was too sublime, and the moment the person die is deep, intense ad honorable when I lost the most important person.
I had rubbed mother’s arm while praying several days before mother passed away in the hospital.
Mother said, “I feel so good. I have no pain at all. It is effective better than any medicine.” She looked really happy.
The day before mother passed away, I said the word of gratitude to mother. Mother in the near-coma state nodded, she mumbled. I couldn’t catch her words, but I heard saying that thank you.
Mother had thanked for everything since she was hospitalized. I think that how wonderful she spent the finishing of the life.
Four years passed since then.
I feel being defended still by mother, and I am so excited seriously because whether where and when I meet mother.
The death is a departure of the following life. Even if the appearance is different, mother will be re-born with the same life.
When I show the acupuncture, eyes will shine. I believe I can meet such a person while I am alive.